I Lied

Life's such a funny thing.

Hey everyone, Happy Monday!

Remember those? Yeah, most of those were lies. It wasn’t me lying to you, but rather myself. I thought I was happy, but I didn’t truly understand what happiness is and what it means. To be honest I’m still figuring it out. Bear with me.

Every day we try to get out of something. A heartbreak, a fight, vegetables - we always try. Because we want to. I lied to keep trying to find myself. To keep trying to figure out what my place is in this universe. "Fake it till you make it", heard that one before? I never believed in that, but I suppose, subconsciously, I was still doing it? Faking it?

I deactivated my Instagram around... honestly I can't even remember how long ago, but long enough to not remember. And before I tell you why and how I am. I'd like to tell you. I miss it like hell. I miss helping one person feel a little better during their shitty day. I miss being able to inspire people to fight a little bit harder.

We live in an age of digital crusade. Both for good and for bad. We live in an age that digital has become a force that can make change happen. I did a TEDx about it. But that's just it, did I believe all of that? Everything I said? Quick answer yes and no. But mostly no.

We are in a constant sprint for validation. From our partner, family, friends, but most dangerously, the internet. I was on this high. Scrolling, over and over, to find out what everyone's up to. To see how many likes you got. To see if people still like me. If they like the picture, they like me... Right? It means that everything I'm achieving is yielding more right to keep pushing... Right? Wrong.

Everyone was applauding me, for all my achievements. Did I get imposter syndrome? Hell yes. I revelled in the attention. Looked for it, fed off it, and worked my butt off to keep it consistent. I lost myself to the extent that I'm still searching.

I had it all wrong, and I'm still not close to getting it right. But what I've learnt is, mistakes make you learn faster. And I've made my fair share. I've hurt people I've cared about, looked for shortcuts, tried my best to not realize my full potential.

I know that I've done some good. Still getting messages from people who tell me I helped them through a rough time years ago, reminds me that I've done some good. But there's so much more to do. If you're reading this right now and you're trying to do good, please don't forget why you started.

If you started for money that’s fine too. Everyone’s reason is different, but that doesn’t give us the right to misuse the people, the platform or the system.

The system is flawed. Privileged whitewashing, greenwashing, and even making washing machines more expensive. It's a cycle. But we crave for it, the constant need to know. To know what's new, what's hot, what's not. This curiosity drives us to be able to be a part of those systems. But I don't think it's completely bad, just like I think minimalism may not be the answer. But more on that another time.

So, what can we do in this vicious cog in the wheel situation? Honestly, in my humble opinion, just do the best that you can. Live life according to your expectations. Don't do things that may harm people both indirectly and directly. Just be happy, do your part in helping humanity be better. Little actions, make big changes happen. Remember, there is good if you look close enough.

I’m done lying. I’ll speak my truth and those that appreciate it, remain. And those who don’t, that’s fine too.

Time is life’s true impermanence. Live your life to its fullest.

I'd say I'll be back. But I never left.

Obediently Yours,

Sharan Velauthan

If you’d like to follow my journey, subscribe to my blog. If not, that’s fine too, hug your loved one and be kind.